My most extensive writing on how we live now is in the book by the same name, How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century. That book has been named as one of the 12 Nonfiction Books Every Woman Needs to Read, alongside books by authors such as Maya Angelou and Gloria Steinem.  It was also named by Kirkus as one of the Best Nonfiction Books for 2015.

By the way, the picture is of a “pocket neighborhood” right here in Santa Barbara. It was designed by the visionary architect, Ross Chapin, who also wrote the book on the topic: Pocket neighborhoods: Creating small-scale community in a large-scale world.

Here are some other things I’ve written before and after the book was published.

Lifespaces: On the Importance of Our Places and Spaces and People

If the nuclear family has failed, what comes next? (Interview with Atlantic magazine)

Families of choice are remaking America

4 questions to ask yourself when deciding how to live

Is this the missing piece in the happiness puzzle? (about the importance of our physical spaces)

How would you live if money were no object?

The joys of not doing what you are supposed to (about living your best life, not your expected one)

How to have a husband on the side (about putting someone other than a spouse at the center of your life)

The place of place in our lives

Is your ideal living situation different at different points in your life?

Sharing a Home with People Other than a Spouse or Romantic Partner

Four single men: All hetero, approaching 40, living together for 18 years

Meet the woman who created a Craigslist for single moms (About Carmel Sullivan, who created CoAbode, an online registry where single mothers can find other single-mother families who want to share a home and a life)

Financial protections for friends who live together

Share a home? 7,000 people describe their ideal version of co-living

Who are those people living under the same roof? (about sharing a place with people other than a spouse or romantic partner)

Living Apart Together (LAT) and Living Together without Marrying

Why would committed couples live apart when they don’t have to?

Living Apart Together: The importance of women’s and men’s wishes

Valuing friends: It is what LAT people do, more than married people and others, too

Living Apart Together: It’s not just for couples

Single, Anita Hill style: Long-term partner and separate homes

Apartners live happily ever after – in places of their own: Guest post by Sharon Hyman

7 kinds of marriages – and one awesome alternative

Keeping marriage alive with affairs, asexuality, polyamory, and living apart

Why so many partners want to be both single and together

Is cohabitation bad for you? Answers from a 6-year study

The top 10 ways couples have changed

Cohousing and Other Living-in-Community Lifespaces

What does a cohousing community look like?

The secret to balancing time alone and time together? (about cohousing)

Grown Children Living with Their Parents, Multigenerational Households, and Helping Across the Generations

More than half of young adults in the U.S. are living with their parents

The new life option that would have shocked me in my twenties

Why are so many young adults living with their parents?

Leaving home sooner or later: What does it mean for your relationship with your parents down the road?

Leaving home in 15 countries: How old are the grown children when they leave and how far do they go?

When raising kids, how much does a spouse matter? (About the Lewis family 4-generational household and the relevant social science research)

Hoping your kids marry? They will probably help you less if they do

Not-So-Single Parents

The new committed relationship: For parenting, not romance

Single parents and their children: Don’t believe the prophecies of gloom

Lifespaces for the New Old Age

Elder orphans: A real problem or a new way to scare singles?

Redefining Family

How families changed: What everyone knows and no one knows

The future of family lies in the hands of single people

Family in the lives of adults with no children: 3 creative ways of thinking

Does it matter if you are single with no kids?

Single, no kids: Family-relevant strengths

Our families – what’s missing? Guest post by Joshua Gamson

Writings Relevant to a Variety of Lifespaces and Life Choices

6 new ways we are living today

Beyond the nuclear family: New policies and practices needed for the way we live now

Is it healthier to live with someone?

Ditch the fairytale – and monogamy?

When your personal, private choices enrage others

The cost of choosing not to have kids: Moral outrage

[For lifespaces for some furry friends, check out this article from one of my sponsors.]

Also see these separate collections on

Living alone


Bella Depaulo New Book How We Live Now


How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century