The Best of Single Life: A New Collection

cover, Best of Single Life

I’ve just put together a collection of 65 of my writings on single life in a book called The Best of Single Life. I think these are some of my most empowering articles, making a strong positive and utterly undefensive case for single life as the good life. In the book, I explain what I think is best about single life, for those who are as enthusiastic about living single as I am, as well as for those who do not want to stay single, but do want to live their single lives to the fullest while they are single.

The Best of Single Life is available in paperback here and here, and as an ebook here. The book includes 8 sections:

  1. Why Singles Are Thriving – Despite All You’ve Heard to the Contrary
  2. Single Life: We Chose It
  3. Mocking Those ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists
  4. The Good Life and the Successful Life
  5. Savoring Our Solitude: Choosing to Spend Time Alone
  6. Valuing Our Relationships: Choosing to Spend Time with Others
  7. Sex and the Single Person: Have It Your Way – or Just Skip It
  8. Are We Missing Out by Being Single – or Are They?

Here’s a sampling of some of the 65 articles in the collection:

  • 7 secrets of successful single people
  • Who wrote the book of love? Happy single people
  • Fear not: The advantages of people unafraid to be single
  • Are single people more resilient than everyone else?
  • Why aren’t married people any happier than singles? A Nobel Prize winner’s answer
  • Wedding porn doesn’t turn us on: Age at first marriage has never been higher
  • The last ‘why are you single’ list you will ever need
  • Elements of the good life: Our list is too short
  • Sweet solitude: The benefits it brings and the special strengths of the people who enjoy it
  • The happy loner
  • Best things about living alone – for people who mean it
  • Single, no children: Who’s your family?
  • If you are single, will you grow old alone? Results from 6 nations
  • Who keeps siblings together when they become adults?
  • Bigger, broader meanings of love and romance
  • Getting married and getting sex (or not)
  • Asexuals: Who are they and why are they important?
  • Are monogamous relationships really better?
  • 23 ways singles are better
  • What you miss by doing what everyone else does
  • Top 8 reasons not to marry
  • Keeping marriage alive with affairs, asexuality, polyamory, and living apart
  • How many married people wish they were single?
  • The end of marriage

I hope you enjoy it! (You can find my other books here.)

Singlism in the Navy: Guest Blogger Continues the Debate

navy

[Bella’s intro: In Singled Out, I wrote a section called “The Command Team Wears Wedding Bands,” in which I described instances of singlism (stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against singles) in the military. Retired Navy veteran Roger Morris read the book and got in touch, saying that although he agrees that there is some singlism in the Navy, he also thinks there are important ways in which the Navy is a pretty great place to be single. I invited him to share his views and he did so here and here. Then, just recently, another single sailor got in touch with me about his own experiences and views of singlism in the Navy. I invited him to share his perspective, and that’s what you can read in this post. He wishes not to be identified so I’m just calling him “guest blogger.” Thank-you, guest blogger!

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Adults with No Kids: Naming, Shaming, and Talking Back to the Shaming

My primary interest is in people who are single. Marital status (or coupled status) is a separate issue from parental status. You can be single with kids or married with no kids. I know that’s obvious but the two are conflated all the time. In this post, I want to focus on the “no kids” part.

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Friendship in Single Life and in All of Our Lives

In writing about single life, one topic that comes up especially often is friendship. Below are links to some of my blog posts on (1) the importance of friendship; (2) whether single people get ditched when their friends marry; (3) making friends; (4) breaking up with friends; (5) how friendship is erased and distorted; and (6) other friendship themes.

I have also published a collection of my academic papers on friendship. It is called Friendsight: What Friends Know that Others Don’t.

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Getting Married and Getting More Money

I have spent a lot of time and effort debunking myths about marriage – for example, if you get married, you will be lastingly happier and healthier, live longer, have more and better sex, more interpersonal connections, and raise more successful children. (You can find links to all of the debunking here.) But there is one claim about marriage that I do not contest – if you get married, you probably will end up better off financially.

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Getting Married and (Not) Getting Sex

If you get married, will you get more sex and better sex? So far as I know, a methodologically persuasive study has never been done. That would involve following people over time as they stayed single or got married or got unmarried, and seeing how their sexual behavior and sexual satisfaction changed (or didn’t change) with those transitions. All we have are studies that compare married and single people at one point in time. You can never know from those kinds of studies if any differences really are about being married vs. single or whether they are about any of the many other ways that married and single people differ other than in their marital status. With that qualification, here’s what we know.

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